First Food Regret

I try everything. I’m not even the least bit picky. Of course I have many preferences, but there’s not too much that I flat out will not eat. I relish enjoying the weird stuff, and I aspire to like it. At my summer camp where many of the counselors were Australians, I bragged about my adoration for the salty, smelly Vegemite and Marmite that they’d bring to the breakfast table each morning.

Later in life, when I started eating sushi, I was always testing the limits with octopus and eel and sea urchin. All of those strange new textures seemed—and still are—so much fun.

So when I was in Vietnam last year, silkworm larvae didn’t seem like such a bad idea considering my penchant for freaky foods. Little did I know that after masticating the mushy pod of grey gunk, I’d made the first food mistake of my life. I tried something so grotesque that I was almost physically ill at the mere mention of it for days following the taste test.

The situation started as many of my culinary adventures start: at a local Saigon restaurant, I instructed my Vietnamese friend to order whatever he liked. I promised him that nothing would be too much for me and that I truly enjoyed trying anything new. He was excited for the prospects and soon plates on fascinating dishes were appearing in front of us. A bowl of grayish-brown oval pods arrived in front of me. Wow! I thought. I’d never seen anything like them! I looked around the restaurant and everyone was popping them in their mouths like popcorn.

I followed the protocol and did the same. First, the outer shell—a soft exoskeleton tasting case—burst on first bite; then, a soggy interior starting to spread through my mouth. It tasted like mildew and lint and the inside of a vacuum cleaner. This strange bland taste of horribleness took over; I could barely swallow but managed to do it in minimal bites after I realized what was happening as I chewed.

As if the actual act of eating this thing wasn’t enough, when I’d finished and washed it down with loads or rice and frantic (but polite) gulps of water, just thinking about any nanosecond of the occurrence was enough to induce a gag reflex.

That was a bad experience. They are gross! Then again, it’s just my opinion, and you never know: if you tried them, maybe you’d be popping them like popcorn, too!